December 10, 2014: Sex Bombing in Bryant Park

They had strapped the bomb to the statue of Goethe.
The letter attached read:

It’s time to love each other and get funky.

There was a loud pop, then gas started to spread from the statue, reaching towards the Christmas shops and the ice skating rink.

It was just a funny smell at first. Like Christmas, but sweeter. Gingerbread and mint and cinnamon…then everyone started smiling and holding hands and making out.

The Editors received a note from the group claiming responsibility:

Why be a Grinch this Christmas? Why be greedy and up your own asses? Why not love each other? Why not take a random stranger home with you? Show compassion. T’is the season after all!
If you’re going to spend your time shopping, well, we’ve got better things planned for you.
Breathe it in. It’s sweet, like childhood memories.
Then…get down to it, boys and girls.

May your hearts grow three sizes this day.

Rebels Moving Under Tyranny with Toys

Bryant Park became a full on love-in. People breaking off into twos and threes, hiding behind the little stores, on the ice, around the Christmas tree.
Traffic came to a halt on Fifth Avenue.

Kids ran around laughing and climbing the lions in front of the public library.
On Sixth Avenue, traffic was stopped by 45 people hugging in the middle of the street.

The CDC issued a statement:

At first, we thought the bomb had contained a very potent form of Orgone. Upon further investigation of the device itself, it was found only to contain highly concentrated Christmas scented air fresheners.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s