December 30, 2014: The Wolf at the Door

I sit in the sand at Breezy Point, watching the morning tide creep to shore.
I’m sure the sun is rising, but it’s just grey. One flat, grey cloud of a sky.

The sea pulses, lazy. The wind is cold. A large, heavy shadow sits next to me.

Do you know why your blood is salty? It’s from the sea. Your heart is heavy and trembles with each crash of the waves. You came from the sea, the vast womb of existence. Turned your back on your great mother, but she resides inside, weighing you down.

I look over and see a giant wolf with the sun in one eye and the moon reflecting in the other. He yawns, his fangs reaching the heavens, then lays down next to me.

When the world ends I will be there to devour it. But you, you just want it to burn, don’t you? I can feel your heart, I know what lurks inside of you. A beast, a feral animal. Your heart weighs as much as at least ten ostrich feathers. No ascension. Just fire.

I reach out, his fur is icy and rough. We watch the ocean roll.

The world is changing. Your whole species is changing. They’re looking for a new messiah, a new leader, a new psychopomp. What are you looking for?

I start talking and he licks his muzzle.

There is no time to be coy, human. It’s Ragnarok. There is unrest in the world. The Middle East, Asia, even here in America your streets brim with revolt.

This is no time to play the man. Set free the hound of war, as they say. Be the beast. The hunter. Let that feral self out as ash falls and society collapses. Eat the sun and the moon. Eat thought and memory.

This is a time for action, young one. Not a time to think, to wish, to wait and see. Take it. Take her. take it all. Take what you want. Leave a bloody trail of victims. Don’t let anything stand in your way.

What do you crave? Who do you crave?

That question again.

Get your teeth wet, man-cub. Tear into your passion. Fuck formalities and morals. taste the blood of who you crave, drink deep and then watch fire fall from the sky in peace.

No regrets, right? You’re trouble gonna come some day, so you might as well meet it head on.

The wolf smiles. White fangs glisten and his eyes flash. My heart rolls and tumbles. I stand up. I want to run, but I fall to my knees.

Why run from what’s eating away inside you? Be a wolf like me. You’re a hideous thing inside. Just open your heart, let it bleed. Howl and crave and hunt.

He stands and stretches, arching his back and nudging the clouds.

Just remember, young blood, there is no time to hold back. You’re a wolf. Act like one.

He turns his back on me and slowly walks off into the water.

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