January 12, 2015: Bottom in Love

I had met Nick Bas about a year ago, maybe a bit longer.
There wasn’t anything remarkable about him. Typical. Average.

He called me in an emotional frenzy last night, begging me to come over.

Normally this wouldn’t be news – it’s just a love story, really. But when I reached his door and he greeted me, I saw the story. More than love.

He had the head of a donkey.

Strange News: Now that’s definitely interesting, Nick.

Nick Bas: I don’t know how it happened. I just woke up in the middle of the night and…poof…I was in love.

SN: Love? You mean…you didn’t call me about your face?

NB: What? What are you talking about, man? I’m in love!

He threw himself onto his couch and cradled his face.

SN: So who is this lucky lady?

NB: She’s just the most amazing woman I’ve ever met.

He smiled and let out a long sigh.

NB: I have no idea how it happened though. I woke up and she was all I could think about, you know? I started to feel this horrible jealousy of all these people who get to see her and touch her. I got angry that I couldn’t.

SN: That still doesn’t explain your face.

He looked into the mirror. He screamed, over and over.

NB: What the fuck happened to my face? My whole head?

It was hard not to laugh. The situation was just too bizarre.

NB: I’m a donkey. My face is a donkey face. How did this even happen? I didn’t even feel anything!

He went into a panic, tried to call 911, screamed for help, scratched at his skin in an attempt to peel the donkey face off.

He finally calmed down and wept, sitting on the floor.

SN: Do you think this has anything to do with your new-found love?

NB: I don’t know…nothing makes sense.

He pulled on his ears.

NB: When I woke up I was so happy. I thought I had found the one. The One. My heart pounded and all I wanted to do was hear her voice. I just craved any kind of interaction with her. Like I needed it, needed her.

I sat down next to him and took a picture.

SN: Maybe that’s the face of true love. Love looks with the mind, not the eyes. Cupid is blind, really. Maybe it’s a test – testing your love for her.

NB: I don’t think I loved her until a couple of hours ago.

SN: And what is wrong with that? The course of true love never runs this smooth! You should be lucky.

NB: Lucky? I have a donkey face!

SN: There is that.

He had purple rings around his eyes, smudged like bad make up.

She had called him twice during his donkey-face panic attack. Both times he just stared at the phone, shaking. He couldn’t face talking to her. He felt she would be able to sense what had happened to his face.

NB: I’m a monster…I’ve been turned into a beast.

SN: I’ve seen monsters and beasts, you are nothing like that.

I made him some tea and put him to bed. Purple stains across his pillowcase.

NB: I think I may have loved her before last night. She always did something to me. She made me yearn…crave…always made me smile. She made me better, I guess? Never a selfish thought when it came to her, just wanted to always make her happy. Her little quirks are beautiful, radiant…

He fell asleep with a smile on his donkey face.

I left him to dream about love and fairies and hoped he would wake up to normal reflection.

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